Source: umad-dating-advices.blogspot.com
Showing posts with label education. Show all posts
Showing posts with label education. Show all posts
Monday, January 5, 2015
School Girls And Admission Open Technical
Source: umad-dating-advices.blogspot.com
Saturday, December 20, 2014
Baker Scholar At Harvard Business School
At a new summons of the baker scholar at harvard business school Lochleven, the page undid the door, and admitted her into the anteroom, asking her pardon for having withstood her, alleging in excuse, that the Queen had fallen into a heavy slumber since she had broken her fast. Softly throbbing, voice and strings arose on sensuous crests of song, died away to whisperings and caresses, drifted through lovedusks and twilights, or swelled again to lovecries barbarically imperious in which were woven plaintive calls and madnesses of invitation and promise.
Now that I was remembering what an unemotional levelheaded man he was the effect became accumulative. She lighted the gas, and, as she removed the little velvet hat, she felt her lips still tingling with the kiss.
The metal baker scholar at harvard business school out far more brightly than it had done before, and gave Redwood a clearer view of the encampment than had yet come to him. The work required much correspondence, not only with missionaries and others living among savages, to whom he sent his printed queries, but among physiologists and physicians.
The girl now baker scholar at harvard business school quite anxious, and wondered why the old woman had not driven her flock over the hill. You know, its all in the matter of talkin, an Killeny cant talk.
Origin: break-seduction.blogspot.com
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Friends Open Question Is There Something Wrong With Me
I graduated from high school about a month ago. Im 17 years old and I have never had a boyfriend before. I had one in middle school we were together for like a month but we never kissed and I was really nervous about holding hands with him since I had really sweaty palms, I only kissed him on the cheek once. I had my first kiss in 10th grade when I was high, pot, with a guy I didn't like and it was weird I didn't know what to do so I just like went into shock and decided to give him a hickey, gross I know. People in school would always ask me who I liked and I never liked a guy (or girl) and I felt weird for ALWAYS saying 'nobody' and it was true. Throughout my high school years (9-12) I had like six guys ask me if I wanted us to be boyfriend and girlfriend and I always said 'no'. I'll be starting college in the fall and I feel I'm never going to be in a real relationship or get married and be in love. Am I a lesbian and don't know it yet or what?
Credit: loveknowsnoage.blogspot.com
Credit: loveknowsnoage.blogspot.com
Thursday, August 14, 2014
How To Uncover Specialist Coach Instruction
RIGHT HERE ARE THREE MAJOR COACH COACHING ALTERNATIVES:
Alternative 1: Begin with a beginner's mind and enroll in a foundational coaching abilities education program
Choice two: Enroll in a program created for therapists and other practicing assisting professionals
Solution three: Enroll in a specialty instruction program
FOUNDATIONAL COACHING CAPABILITIES COACHING APPLICATIONS
These extensive programs cover all coaching capabilities from the ground up and are a ought to for the aspiring coach who desires to turn into a professional, certified coach.
There are numerous schools that give certificate applications, nonetheless we recommend picking a system that provides as a minimum, at least 60 hours of basic coach education. Something less will not supply you with the level of coaching and practice you require to grow to be a specialist coach.
A lot of coach education schools have applications that are accredited by the International Coach Federation (ICF). The ICF is the world's top member-coach organization, with over 17,000 members. Their concentrate is advancing the coaching profession by setting high specialist standards, offering independent certification, and creating a network of credentialed coaches.
These are examples of some nicely-established foundational coaching skills instruction schools:
CoachU
Coaches Education Institute
InviteCHANGE (formerly Academy for Coach Instruction)
New Ventures West
Newfield Network
Keep in thoughts: although ICF accreditation increases the likelihood of good quality instruction, if you do not need to have or desire ICF certification, you happen to be free of charge to get your training anywhere you want.
COACH INSTRUCTION APPLICATIONS FOR THERAPISTS AND OTHER ASSISTING PROFESSIONALS
If you're already a helping expert you may want to add coaching to your repertoire without having duplicating the expertise you currently have. There are pros and cons of this path. The pros are it really is more rapidly and a lot more focused, since almost everything is going to be new or leverage your existing instruction. The cons are that you may possibly miss out on some perspectives since you're not starting from the ground floor (as you would be with foundational coaching abilities education plan).
If this is the right choice for you, right here are some applications that specialize in coach instruction for practicing helping specialists:
Institute for Life Coach Training
MentorCoach
Hudson Institute
College of Executive Coaching
SPECIALTY COACH TRAINING APPLICATIONS
As the name suggests, these programs cover a specialized area of coaching. These coaching applications are viewed by the ICF as "advanced coaching training."
It is important to pick and establish your niche, or region of coaching specialty, as that is going to be the cornerstone of your advertising and marketing. Coaches who specialize versus getting generalists (e.g. Life Coaches) have a a lot easier time communicating with and enrolling potential consumers. A specialist can focus their advertising message on their target audience's precise wants, supplying remedy-based advantages that make client enrollment much less complicated.
A number of these specialty schools also provide a foundational coach coaching program in addition to their specialty education, which implies you can get all of your instruction in 1 location, typically at a excellent value.
If you're interested in pursuing specialty coach coaching, here are some established, credible organizations that you can consult:
- Specialty: Relationships- [See below]
- Specialty: Spirituality - Success Unlimited Network
- Specialty: Executives - Center for Executive Coaching
- Specialty: Modest and Medium Sized Companies - BusinessCoach.com
- Specialty: Corporations - Corporate Coach U
- Specialty: ADD/ADHD - ADD Coach Academy
- Specialty: Careers - Profession Coach Academy
- Specialty: Parenting - Parent Coaching Institute
A LOT OF MUCH MORE OPTIONS ARE OFFERED
The above is a tiny sampling of the hundreds of coaching programs available to support you turn out to be a Skilled Coach. To find out much more:
Analysis your alternatives on the net by keying in the place of specialty you are searching for (e.g. "partnership coach education") or search the International Coach Federation website
Decide whether or not in-person or distance mastering is greatest for you
Determine a system that fits your professional values, targets and style
Attend an ICF conference and check out the exhibits to review a lot of training applications in 1 place
Interview prospective schools and ask to speak to a selection of their graduates
Becoming a Professional Coach is a entertaining and fulfilling way to make a great living as nicely as make a distinction in the globe. If you enjoy assisting other people and discover that your close friends, loved ones and co-workers come to you to speak about their targets and challenges, you happen to be most likely a good fit for this growing profession.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
7 Ways To Attract Women Effortlessly
You need to find new ways to attract women? Perhaps youve never had much luck attracting women. 7 These methods will help you start attracting women, and give you the actions you can implement today. If you are serious about attracting women in your life, you could make your first contact within a few hours easily.Here are 7 ways to attract women, requiring little effort on your part. Instead of being constantly frustrated trying to meet women, we try to choose what you want date.
1. Check with churches in your area for individual nights. Youll be surprised how many of the major churches have been fantastic activities for singles to meet. Many times these groups are saturated by single women, with most people staying away. Be one of the men present. This is a great way to meet single women in your town.2. Take dancing lessons. Youve probably heard this one before, and probably to avoid the dance floor, as many of us kids.
Check with your local club and see where online courses are offered free dance. You will discover there are more single women who want children to learn new things. Even if you feel a bit timid and embarrassed, just follow the movement. Women are your efforts and embarrassing skin. This is a way to attract women who work every time.3. Start washing your clothes in the laundry of the citys busiest.
You may be looking around a bit, but its worth. You will discover many young women washing clothes in the laundry. Make sure you have additional quarters to help a woman in distress. Offers to make baskets and just be friendly and conversational.4. Join a craft class. How many kids do only expect to find in a class of ceramics? Youre right, probably just in a class full of women. Do you think that women might be interested in discussing with you?
5. Take a university course that is traditional for women. Consider a class of parenting, womens issues, or another class to attract more women than men. If you show an interest in things I find interesting that women attract more women.6. Join a gym or workout. Stay away from clubs that specialize in men. Want to take lessons filled mostly with women. Single women are generally more interested in staying in shape than their married friends.
7. This is the final, I can guarantee work for almost everyone. Compile a profile on a dating site well, then take the time to communicate with the women. Youll be amazed how many attractive women will get in touch, too. This is one of the best ways to attract women that you can try. You can be sure to communicate with women interested in dating. You can learn some facts about them from their profile before they ever contact.
The site which I used and has worked effectively for all my buddies can be found through this link: http://wheretomeet-women.com This is the most visited singles site on the internet, and requires no credit card to sign up and start meeting people. The only thing which stops most guys from success in attracting women is their failure to take immediate action. If you are ready to start having more dates, and meeting great women, do not let your doubts creep in again. Just click the link, fill out a profile, and get started. http://wheretomeet-women.com
1. Check with churches in your area for individual nights. Youll be surprised how many of the major churches have been fantastic activities for singles to meet. Many times these groups are saturated by single women, with most people staying away. Be one of the men present. This is a great way to meet single women in your town.2. Take dancing lessons. Youve probably heard this one before, and probably to avoid the dance floor, as many of us kids.
Check with your local club and see where online courses are offered free dance. You will discover there are more single women who want children to learn new things. Even if you feel a bit timid and embarrassed, just follow the movement. Women are your efforts and embarrassing skin. This is a way to attract women who work every time.3. Start washing your clothes in the laundry of the citys busiest.
You may be looking around a bit, but its worth. You will discover many young women washing clothes in the laundry. Make sure you have additional quarters to help a woman in distress. Offers to make baskets and just be friendly and conversational.4. Join a craft class. How many kids do only expect to find in a class of ceramics? Youre right, probably just in a class full of women. Do you think that women might be interested in discussing with you?
5. Take a university course that is traditional for women. Consider a class of parenting, womens issues, or another class to attract more women than men. If you show an interest in things I find interesting that women attract more women.6. Join a gym or workout. Stay away from clubs that specialize in men. Want to take lessons filled mostly with women. Single women are generally more interested in staying in shape than their married friends.
7. This is the final, I can guarantee work for almost everyone. Compile a profile on a dating site well, then take the time to communicate with the women. Youll be amazed how many attractive women will get in touch, too. This is one of the best ways to attract women that you can try. You can be sure to communicate with women interested in dating. You can learn some facts about them from their profile before they ever contact.
The site which I used and has worked effectively for all my buddies can be found through this link: http://wheretomeet-women.com This is the most visited singles site on the internet, and requires no credit card to sign up and start meeting people. The only thing which stops most guys from success in attracting women is their failure to take immediate action. If you are ready to start having more dates, and meeting great women, do not let your doubts creep in again. Just click the link, fill out a profile, and get started. http://wheretomeet-women.com
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Educating Entrepreneurs Pathways To Success
Monday, July 8, 2013
Obtaining College Recommendation Letters
Friday, December 9, 2011
Nlp Training Winnipeg
Friday, November 25, 2011
How Nlp Can Help You
By Fyodor Gray
NLP can be used to overcome any life obstacle, from health worries and phobias, to confidence issues and life traumas. The following case studies are simply a few out of the millions of people NLP has helped so far, and the millions more it will continue to help.NLP trained practitioners have an understanding of the inner workings of the human mind, and can channel that information into helping you make significant progressive changes. NLP is the process of helping you to change the deep set mind patterns of your behaviours, emotions and thoughts that lead initially cause anxiety, self esteem issues, health issues, and mental problems and disorders, addictions and other dangerous and restricting behaviours.
Often the hardest but most key area to success in any area of life is reading people. Whether it is day to day tasks or life changing decisions, most of the choices we make in our life will involve or directly affect at least one or more other people. Even if it's simply what you choose for your family to eat for dinner tonight or whether that business investment or new job offer is too good to be true.
Barbara Morrison was a certified teacher of real estate education to adults, but she was not satisfied with the low level of real estate education provided. So, with the help of NLP, she gained the knowledge, skills and confidence to open her own school of real estate education, offering what is now considered to be one of the top courses in real estate education. She is now a successful teacher and business woman, all thanks to NLP.
About the Author:
Get more information on NLP practitioner training.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Im Considering Ending My Relationship With My Mother Thoughts
But I'm having second thoughts...
The history of my relationship with my mother is tumultuous at best. There are too many background details to list; most significant is regarding college and the consequences. Also, by her own admission, my mother was a helicopter parent and was very overprotective.
My mother is the one, along with her boyfriend at the time (they broke up a few years ago), who forced me into college. On top of that, she set aside nothing to help with my college tuition over the course of my entire pre-adult life, instead choosing to blame my father (they divorced when I was 7 and he didn't help with my college tuition either).
She had close to a six-figure income for several years during my elementary school years, and we lived in a modest apartment; she could have easily set aside some college money on her own, especially considering my going to college was her dream, which she forced on to me.
When I was in high school, people asked me why I didn't get a job. I always responded that I didn't need one; in reality, I was strongly discouraged from getting one.
When I was 17, I started working as a private tutor (mostly honors chemistry) to start gaining some of my own work experience. I had about a 3.0 GPA and was praised by the parents of a couple of the students I tutored.
My mother and her boyfriend strongly criticized me for tutoring, because I "didn't have the grades." Needless to say, I abruptly became unemployed again. To them, it was all about the grades; work experience was seen as a distraction.
When I was 18, after my first quarter of college, I told my mother I wanted to quit; I didn't get far in explaining myself before she started bawling in tears about how her dream was ruined, and her boyfriend blasted me with criticism about how I was destined to be a second-class citizen. I was so humiliated and scared that I reluctantly went through with the rest of college.
Flash forward to present:
I am 26, yet my mother treats me like a child to this day. I have dedicated much of my time to helping out around the house and helping her with various tasks related to her business ventures (research, typing up documents, organizing ideas into messages with clarity, etc.), yet she always finds a reason to be angry with me.
One morning, she woke me up demanding to know where a 2 loofer was (it fell in the backseat of the car; I retrieved it without a word). This morning, she woke me up asking where her favorite coffee cup was (she left it in the microwave).
The thing is, she has been like this since before she was 40 (she is now 56); to me, attributing it to hormones is just an excuse on her end, especially since she has bio-identical hormone replacement at her disposal.
Also today, she blasted me when she found out that I did not go through with accepting General Relief (from the County); she accused me of sabotaging her.
Even though work is picking up for us and she has given me a lot of credit for helping her, she insists that we "need" money from the County, which to me is a drop in the bucket compared to the work with Barbizon and a private investigation firm she recently secured, and I have the skills to be of great help to her with all her work; she considers me her assistant and has been paying me for helping her out.
She likes to dream big and talk about never settling, yet she "needs" a few hundred dollars a month from the County? It makes no sense to me.
She wants to start a foundation to empower foster teens and has promised that I'll be getting paid for my involvement, but I feel like this is merely continuing a years-long pattern of co-dependency in a toxic relationship.
I have tried to politely reason with her on many occasions; the typical response is to blast me with more criticism ("THAT'S NOT NICE, YOU DON'T LISTEN, YOU'D BETTER CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE, YOU ALWAYS FIGHT ME ON EVERYTHING," etc.)
So even though I technically have work, it emotionally feels like I'm still unemployed. And so, my job search continues.
"RESUMES FOR DUMMIES, COVER LETTERS FOR DUMMIES," and "JOB INTERVIEWS FOR DUMMIES" are my selected books for revising my job search tools to increase my chances of job-hunting success. I didn't know much of what they teach when I was job-hunting in the past; I never succeeded with getting a job.
A neighbor of ours also has a possible job opening for me and has praised me for my organizational skills; I plan to follow up with her later today.
In the meantime, my strategy for dealing with my mother is to keep my distance; she can let me know if she needs anything work-related.
Why am I living with her and focusing so much on helping her out? Because it's the most effective way I've found thus far to get paid for helping others so that I can rebuild my own trashed financial situation.
Plus, a part of me still holds on to the belief that a healthy relationship with my mother is somehow salvageable.
But maybe I should just walk away from it all and start over on my own (I would need to succeed in my job search first)...
What are your thoughts regarding this relationship dynamic? What would you do if you were in my situation?
As always, feel free to ask any questions that you deem helpful for clarification.
P.S. I've read several other threads in this forum where the book "TOXIC PARENTS" by Dr. Susan Forward was recommended; it sounds interesting to me, but I feel like my focus should be on the aforementioned three job search-related books.
Monday, October 11, 2010
A Woman Of Determination And Leadership
"I think one of the reasons I love working at GRCC is the personal connection I feel with the students," Kathy Mullins reflects, "because I see myself in them, they are me and I them." as she recalls her youth, college was not an option, never a consideration, you got married and worked. It was the closing of the factory where she was employed that opened up an unexpected alternative. "The Michigan Works advisor simply offered college as one of a couple of possible uses of the government resources available," Kathy explains. "Until that moment I had never considered higher education. No one in my family had gone on past high school."
After she received her AA degree from Baker College, she was urged toward a BA. Once hired by GRCC, she was pressured by mentors and colleagues within the college to complete her MBA in leadership studies. "The Michigan Works employee had no idea of the impact that new vision of myself had for me. I have now completed a doctorate! People saw more in me than I acknowledged and I imagine that is true for so many of our students, whether they are fresh from high school or returning as adults with additional family responsibilities." She sees her responsibility to those students as an effort to remove obstacles and barriers to their learning and their academic success wherever she can.
Several nominating narratives noted the varied and often complex aspects of her current position at the college as point person for the President with K-12 partners, the local community, businesses and legislators. "Managing the often competing interests requires grace and a strict work ethic; Kathy possesses both of these traits." another wrote, "She maintains a delicate balance always in situations that demand skillful arbitration, attention to detail, and political savvy."
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Nursing Student In Ebola Controversy Leaves Program
Source: umad-dating-advices.blogspot.com
Monday, February 8, 2010
Going Online Way Forward For Education Says Gordon Brown
REAGAN JOKEHis Reagan joke was a cracker. When A Swedish minister spoke on world poverty and education Reagan asked if he was a Communist. He was politely told by his ambassador that the Swedish minister was, in fact, an anti-Communist. "I don't care what kind of communist he is" said Reagan, "he's wrong". The point was that politicians, companies and not-for-profits must all pull together on this one.
PRINCIPLED
One of Brown's strengths as a politician is his principled approach to world poverty and when he tells stories of his visits to Africa and other countries in the developing world, they're told with feeling. The evil o child labour where 300 million children working today when they should be at school. We heard of a child bride who died in childbirth, too young to bear her child, the woman who turned to prostitution to send her child to school, the child soldiers, a real evil, forced to commit atrocities. Killer facts, for example, a Sudanese girl stands more chance of dying in childbirth than receiving a school education. I spoke to several people afterwards who were truly moved by this part of the speech. I was.
He was also brave enough to have a pop at Koranic schools, unusual in an Arab country. But he was right. I had heard a depressing speech from the Iranian Minister of Education at the summit the previous day, who had an appalling plan to link education to the Koran, and all knowledge to religion. God save us! Politicians can be bad news and education is not always a good
FUNDING
"We must hold national Governments to their promises to provide the funding both in development aid and of course the funding that individual developing countries' governments have promised for education in their own areas"," he said. "And where countries fall behind, we should be telling them that this is not acceptable because it is not simply about them and their generation - it is about future generations", "what was required, he added, "was a global fund for education in the same way there was one for health". "Heady stuff. ONLINE THE WAY FORWARDNow listen to this, as at this point things got really interesting. He gave a detailed account of why online learning was essential to his vision. I was not surprised at this. Brown was the brains behind UFI, an e-learning charity I've been a Trustee on for over six years. Unlike Gove and co, he believes in this stuff. "I want all the technology companies, the Microsofts, the Apples, the Facebooks, the Googles to be involved in this project"," he said. He said he wanted technology to be available to the poorest countries. "If they have a worldwide vision, as we have, about the importance of education, then they should, as Sir Tim Berners-Lee, the inventor of the Internet has said, make it possible not for 20% of the world to benefit from the internet, but 100% to benefit from the new technologies, including the Web, that are available"." The only odd moment was mentioning Simon Cowell. Educational Idol here we come. This was the really fresh idea, that scalable technology will, is in the end, the only real global driver in terms of reducing cost and reach. Far too many of the educational leaders at the conference were closet luddites, who can't see past the 'we need more teachers argument'. They're right but teachers are not scalable.
FINALEIt took a politician to show the word's educators how to communicate, teach, frame a problem, provide facts and detail, THEN a solution. His speech was masterful, laying out the many dimensions of the problem, informing through humour, moving the audience with heart rending stories then he hit us with a vision, a clear goal and details on funding. All children in school by 2015, with massive injection of funds by the private sector, public sector, religious institutions and not-for-profits, all given wings by technology, mobiles and the web. Suddenly he's naming Sartre, de Beauvoir and quotes Camus, "shouldn't we admit we got it wrong" and asks that we put it right. Education at that turning point, every child in 21st C should be at school. "When Cicero turned to the crowds in ancient Rome, people said, 'great speech'. When Demosthenes spoke to the crowds in ancient Greece and people turned to each other, they said: 'Let's march. Let's march for education and let's march for it together"." At last, a call to action.STANDING OVATION THEN EXIT STAGE LEFTFor me, this was the high point of the Summit. His standing ovation was deserved as he had stood up for the poor. Education is not an end in itself, it is a means to an end. He was mobbed as he left the stage and it was a shame that he didn't stay to answer a few questions and speak to a few of the people from the developing world who had clearly been moved by his words. In fact he seemed uncomfortable in the melee and relieved to be rushed out of the side door.
POSTSCRIPTI spoke to Charles Clarke afterwards, but he missed the speech due to a misreading of the programme (they are arch enemies, Charles having attempted a coup in 2009) and agreed with Clarke's point that the focus on primary schooling was wrong. What we need is focus on vocation education to tackle relevance and unemployment.
At least these guys have the big picture and vision. I heard nothing like this from the educational establishment, many who seemed past their sell by date. But my real worry is whether his call for action is realistic. We're in a recession and finding funds for a fresh push on a reframed Millennium Goal seems unlikely. The idea of a single fund is the only way to solve the problem and as Jan MorganKaufman pointed out view Elizabeth King, the Director of Education at the World Bank, we have a fund. Unfortunately it's too small. However, I hope the golden wind will fill his sails, as it's such a noble cause.
Reference: aisha-vip.blogspot.com
Friday, October 17, 2008
5 Revisions Id Like To See Made To The Parenting Phrasebook
As someone who has had a love of words and language for most my life, I pay attention to how we use language, how we use specific words to describe things, or how one's use of language reveals not just a specific thought, but how one views herself and her particular situation. For example, when I hear on the playground a parent disclosing that they are in the midst of the "Bedtime Battles," I can't help but wonder to myself if this particular parent views all of parenting as a war, where their child is the enemy and the aim of each day is to gain the upper hand. Comparing parenting to fighting a war makes me sad; I think of all the moments in those relationships that end up lost because the attention is on "staying in power". I'd like to see the comparison drop out of use. There are a few other words and phrases I'd like to see drop out of use:
1) Naughty. As in, "You're being kind of naughty right now." Generally used when the child is not doing what the parent wants or is not listening to the parent or doing something else the parent considers disruptive. Yet, it doesn't describe the child's behavior that is frustrating the parent: essentially it's a judgment and label used for the parent's convenience. When parents label a child in such a way, they are in no way working with the child. Did the parent get down on the child's level, make eye contact, and specifically say what the desired behavior is? As in, "I know you would like to keep playing with your toys, but we need to leave now, which means we need to put your shoes on. Can you help me find your shoes?"
Labeling a child's behavior also negates the child's experience. Alfie Kohn in Unconditional Parenting points out that when every time a child "misbehaves" or exhibits challenging behavior, there is a valid complaint on the part of the child, whether it's that the child is hungry, over-stimulated or tired (especially in younger children) or that the child is upset about something and doesn't feel safe expressing their emotions. Telling children they are being naughty may be effective in shaming them to give parents the desired result, but it's not sustainable parenting because it doesn't get to the root issue causing the "naughty" behavior. Doing a little detective work to get to when the child's behavior started to go south, however, can go a long way to getting to the source of what happened. So can teaching your child self-awareness by asking how s/he feels when s/he engages in such behavior or if s/he can use her words instead of acting out.
2) Good. As in, "What good children" where it is essentially saying the children are being well behaved. It seems harmless in this context, but it's still a judgment. It also infers that by "good" we mean the children are being quiet, polite, and don't require much attention from the surrounding adults. Because good is also a judgment, it can be seen as praise, which can be just as manipulative (if not more so) as punishment or shaming.
When it comes time for children to differentiate themselves (called rebelling in some circles), the "good" label becomes an easy thing to test, as in, "If I get bad grades, am I still good? Shoplift my clothes? Skip school?" On the flip side, children are less likely to take chances, push themselves, challenge themselves or take on big projects, because they're scared they might lose the "good" label.
3) "I'm your parent, not your friend."
Friends listen to each other. Friends talk to each other in a respectful manner. Friends share their feelings with each other. They accept and respect each other. Friends are always on each other's side. They guide each other through difficult situations and tough moments. They offer perspective when a friend is about to be untrue to her values. Friends celebrate each other's triumphs. Friends work and play together. Friends ask for - and take - each other's advice. They laugh and cry in each other's company, where it's safe to be vulnerable. In the friend relationship, the relationship has to work for both parties, and both people are equally important. In healthy friendships, one friend does not manipulate or take advantage of the other, because it would be disrespectful. In arguments, friends can say, "My feelings are hurt," or "I feel frustrated," or "Let's work this out."
Parents - traditionally - judge, approve, disapprove, punish (whether it's spanking, giving time outs, shaming, or putting their kids down, etc) reward, manipulate or bribe (but frown on being manipulated or bribed by their children) and are full of "teaching moments" and corrections. Traditionally, the parent-child relationship privileges the parent and the parent's experience. This is convenient for the parent, but in the long run, it doesn't contribute to building a strong relationship with the child, since it mainly is about having the child behave.
Some parents are more interested in having their children behave, and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, just that it has limitations. Many seem to think that if they are "friends" with their children, somehow they will spoil their children or their children will not behave because in being friends their parenting has slipped down the slope towards Philistine permissiveness. Yet if parents brought some of the qualities of their friendships into the relationships with their children (enjoying each other's company, laughing together, respecting each other's autonomy), they could have their children behave "and "a beautiful relationship with their children.
4) "Distinguish between the child and his behavior. Make it clear that it's not the child who's bad, it's the behavior."
Right. Because young children have the intellectually advanced self-awareness that this distinction requires. Adults struggle with separating what they do from their self-worth or their achievements (or lack ther) from their self-worth, so it's unreasonable to expect children to be able to separate their behavior from their self-worth. And if children are then told that they themselves are "good," it's just their behavior that's "bad"? What a muddle, to be a good person who does bad things and what a challenge, as the ability to hold two contrary ideas in one's mind at the same time is also rather an advanced mental task.
For purposes of behavior and child rearing, I'm all for dropping the uses of "good" and "bad" (aka naughty) altogether. No one likes having themselves or their behavior judged. We can use non-judgmental language instead in such situations, by simply explaining that the unwanted behavior is disrespectful to, devalues, or hurts another person (or thing). Children feel shame beginning at around two ages of age (some even say as early as ten months, but I can't find the research that substantiates this); they already feel bad when they do something that displeases or disappoints us, but rather than add to it, why not just give them the tools to correct their actions, and in the long run, be accountable for their actions?
5) "Because I said so" or "Because I'm the parent."
Granted, there are times when we need our kids to do what we say, and even cases where they need to do it immediately, whether it's to get out of the street because there's a bus coming or to hold our hands in a busy subway station where they could easily get lost; however, when these phrases are used outside of emergency-like situations, they are nothing more than authoritarian bullying. They teach a child that whoever is bigger is right just because they're bigger. It's an oxymoron to tell your child to stop playground bullying when you bully them at home as a discipline tactic. And it's okay for children to question authority, to learn how to negotiate, to compromise, to ask questions. Parents aren't doing children any favors by teaching them that authority figures are infallible.
In Robin Grille's Parenting for a Peaceful World, he cites a powerful study, where children raised in authoritarian homes where parents taught children to blindly obey, grew up to be the adults who didn't say anything when the Nazis came to power in Germany. Children who were taught to question, however, were more likely to be compassionate and empathetic and put their lives at risk to save or hide perfect strangers. In such a situation, who do you want your child to be?
1) Naughty. As in, "You're being kind of naughty right now." Generally used when the child is not doing what the parent wants or is not listening to the parent or doing something else the parent considers disruptive. Yet, it doesn't describe the child's behavior that is frustrating the parent: essentially it's a judgment and label used for the parent's convenience. When parents label a child in such a way, they are in no way working with the child. Did the parent get down on the child's level, make eye contact, and specifically say what the desired behavior is? As in, "I know you would like to keep playing with your toys, but we need to leave now, which means we need to put your shoes on. Can you help me find your shoes?"
Labeling a child's behavior also negates the child's experience. Alfie Kohn in Unconditional Parenting points out that when every time a child "misbehaves" or exhibits challenging behavior, there is a valid complaint on the part of the child, whether it's that the child is hungry, over-stimulated or tired (especially in younger children) or that the child is upset about something and doesn't feel safe expressing their emotions. Telling children they are being naughty may be effective in shaming them to give parents the desired result, but it's not sustainable parenting because it doesn't get to the root issue causing the "naughty" behavior. Doing a little detective work to get to when the child's behavior started to go south, however, can go a long way to getting to the source of what happened. So can teaching your child self-awareness by asking how s/he feels when s/he engages in such behavior or if s/he can use her words instead of acting out.
2) Good. As in, "What good children" where it is essentially saying the children are being well behaved. It seems harmless in this context, but it's still a judgment. It also infers that by "good" we mean the children are being quiet, polite, and don't require much attention from the surrounding adults. Because good is also a judgment, it can be seen as praise, which can be just as manipulative (if not more so) as punishment or shaming.
When it comes time for children to differentiate themselves (called rebelling in some circles), the "good" label becomes an easy thing to test, as in, "If I get bad grades, am I still good? Shoplift my clothes? Skip school?" On the flip side, children are less likely to take chances, push themselves, challenge themselves or take on big projects, because they're scared they might lose the "good" label.
3) "I'm your parent, not your friend."
Friends listen to each other. Friends talk to each other in a respectful manner. Friends share their feelings with each other. They accept and respect each other. Friends are always on each other's side. They guide each other through difficult situations and tough moments. They offer perspective when a friend is about to be untrue to her values. Friends celebrate each other's triumphs. Friends work and play together. Friends ask for - and take - each other's advice. They laugh and cry in each other's company, where it's safe to be vulnerable. In the friend relationship, the relationship has to work for both parties, and both people are equally important. In healthy friendships, one friend does not manipulate or take advantage of the other, because it would be disrespectful. In arguments, friends can say, "My feelings are hurt," or "I feel frustrated," or "Let's work this out."
Parents - traditionally - judge, approve, disapprove, punish (whether it's spanking, giving time outs, shaming, or putting their kids down, etc) reward, manipulate or bribe (but frown on being manipulated or bribed by their children) and are full of "teaching moments" and corrections. Traditionally, the parent-child relationship privileges the parent and the parent's experience. This is convenient for the parent, but in the long run, it doesn't contribute to building a strong relationship with the child, since it mainly is about having the child behave.
Some parents are more interested in having their children behave, and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, just that it has limitations. Many seem to think that if they are "friends" with their children, somehow they will spoil their children or their children will not behave because in being friends their parenting has slipped down the slope towards Philistine permissiveness. Yet if parents brought some of the qualities of their friendships into the relationships with their children (enjoying each other's company, laughing together, respecting each other's autonomy), they could have their children behave "and "a beautiful relationship with their children.
4) "Distinguish between the child and his behavior. Make it clear that it's not the child who's bad, it's the behavior."
Right. Because young children have the intellectually advanced self-awareness that this distinction requires. Adults struggle with separating what they do from their self-worth or their achievements (or lack ther) from their self-worth, so it's unreasonable to expect children to be able to separate their behavior from their self-worth. And if children are then told that they themselves are "good," it's just their behavior that's "bad"? What a muddle, to be a good person who does bad things and what a challenge, as the ability to hold two contrary ideas in one's mind at the same time is also rather an advanced mental task.
For purposes of behavior and child rearing, I'm all for dropping the uses of "good" and "bad" (aka naughty) altogether. No one likes having themselves or their behavior judged. We can use non-judgmental language instead in such situations, by simply explaining that the unwanted behavior is disrespectful to, devalues, or hurts another person (or thing). Children feel shame beginning at around two ages of age (some even say as early as ten months, but I can't find the research that substantiates this); they already feel bad when they do something that displeases or disappoints us, but rather than add to it, why not just give them the tools to correct their actions, and in the long run, be accountable for their actions?
5) "Because I said so" or "Because I'm the parent."
Granted, there are times when we need our kids to do what we say, and even cases where they need to do it immediately, whether it's to get out of the street because there's a bus coming or to hold our hands in a busy subway station where they could easily get lost; however, when these phrases are used outside of emergency-like situations, they are nothing more than authoritarian bullying. They teach a child that whoever is bigger is right just because they're bigger. It's an oxymoron to tell your child to stop playground bullying when you bully them at home as a discipline tactic. And it's okay for children to question authority, to learn how to negotiate, to compromise, to ask questions. Parents aren't doing children any favors by teaching them that authority figures are infallible.
In Robin Grille's Parenting for a Peaceful World, he cites a powerful study, where children raised in authoritarian homes where parents taught children to blindly obey, grew up to be the adults who didn't say anything when the Nazis came to power in Germany. Children who were taught to question, however, were more likely to be compassionate and empathetic and put their lives at risk to save or hide perfect strangers. In such a situation, who do you want your child to be?













