Signs That He Is Ready For Marriage

Three stone engagement ring - in yellow gold -Diamonds (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hi Aunty Eya,

Good afternoon, please don't publish my name or email address.

Monique's post on Divorce and the overwhelming response that has followed so far is all the inspiration I needed for this mail. It has been on my mind, but I never knew how to put it in a mail to you. I wanted to

try and forget it, but then this Divorce post today just pushed me on.

I need you and other readers on your blog to please advise me kind of. I accidentally saw an engagement ring on my bf cupboard, it wasn't there before. I remember him asking my ring size lasy week. I suspect he may soon pop the big question. I am excited for myself but not sure of the answer to give him. I am 25 and I would love to know the signs women see in their boyfriends before deciding to settle down with them. What are the signs please? I mean all, both spiritual, physical, materially, financially, socially and otherwise.

Please I really want to get myself well equipped before the big day. I know he is 5 years older, he is working and Godfearing and prayerful yes. I still feel like there must be other things to check before accepting a man's proposal.

Thank you all for your love. Aunty Eya don't fall my hand. Please post this.

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Clarity Of The Mind

Can you think clearly or is your thinking clouded by lots of 'stuff'? Are you trying to juggle a thousand things at one time and can't seem to resolve anything? Do you go to sleep at night worrying about the future? Is your sleep interrupted by your thoughts? Are you in overwhelm?

Clarity of thinking is a much sought after state - many people say "I wish I could be clear in my thinking" and, thats where it stays. They don't change anything so the unclear thinking continues.

Living in the UK we all have plenty of stuff to be dealing with every day. In fact we are all amazing when you think about the number of decisions that you have to make every day and, all the time, our thinking can be on stuff that hasn't even happened! We actually make thousands of small decisions every day and some big ones too so, the first thing we are going to do is to pat ourselves on the back for having such an amazing 'computer' that handles all these decisions - otherwise known as our conscious and unconscious mind.

Let me talk about the worriers first because if we can stop you worrying then that will give you a lot more space to process other stuff in a clearer way.

A worrier will spend their life being anxious about stuff that hasn't happened. They play the 'what if' game constantly in a negative way - always considering the worst possible scenario. Some people will say this is good because you are preparing for the worst and I will say, by focussing on the unsuccessful outcome of any event, you are more likely to achieve that unsuccessful outcome.

Let me give you an example of the golfer. A golfer who notices the trees on his right will often say to himself "I don't want to go in there" and strangely enough, thats exactly where the ball goes because he has unconsciously focussed on the trees on the right.

It's the same with life. When we worry we are focussing on the unsuccessful outcome of the event and thats probably where we will end up.

Michel de Montaigne, a French writer and in someway, philosopher, once said "My life is full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened" and that, for me sums up a worrier. They have two outcomes - one is that they are so focussed on the unsuccessful outcome of the event that it becomes their reality and secondly it might never happen anyway! So all in all there is little to be gained by worrying!

If you are a worrier, I have a solution for you later on in this email!

So that takes care of the worrying aspect that clouds our thinking. What about all the other stuff that 'interfers' with our thinking.

Often you can get a lot of 'cloudiness' in your thinking because of internal conflicts that you might have. An internal conflict could be defined as the situation when part of you believes or values X and part of you believes or values Y. This leads to an internal arguement at the unconscious level with both parts pulling in opposite directions. It is a bit like being in a relationship where you argue 24 hours a day, 365 days a year - it's tiring and non-productive and takes the focus off other things. In NLP we call these parts conflicts.

Most people will have some form of parts conflict going on and the rule of thumb is, the less internal conflicts that you have, the clearer your thinking and the easier it is to make decisions.

The last thing I want to talk about under this topic are those negative emotions - specifically anger, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt. Just to be clear the emotion of fear encompasses "anxiety" and "panic".

If you are someone who does one (or more) of those negative emotions a lot, then it is most likely to cloud your thinking since you will be processing everything with a dose of anger or fear or sadness or hurt or guilt. This does not lead to clear thinking or good decision making!

Some Solutions

If someone has a problem with the above then what we would suggest is the following.

Firstly we would have the client do something called "Time Line Therapy" which allows the client to release those negative emotions. That kind of clears the way for the other stuff.

We would then look to resolve the conflicts with something called parts integration which essentially integrates parts of the unconscious mind that are in conflict.

Lastly we would teach the client something called the anxiety model (for the worriers) which layers in a new strategy so that they only focus on the successful outcome of the event.

Interested?

There are two easy ways that you can achieve the above goal of clarity in your thinking.

Firstly, you could enrol yourself on our NLP Practitioner Course where you will not only learn how to do the above, but you will experience it as well. Ideally you would enrol in the Time Line Therapy, NLP Coach and Hypnosis Course as well because this will give you additional experience of the techniques and would qualify you to use them with others. If this is for you then scroll down this email for some deals that are currently in operation this week.

The other way to solve the issue is to go and see someone who is qualified in the skills necessary to help you. If you wish to see an NLP therapist then drop us a line and we will put you in touch. Cost wise you will be looking at a similar price to the course price.

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